From a place of noticing

Tending Notes · Issue 01 · June 10, 2026

The field note

Over the last several months I have been party to very rich conversations about what happens to people in leadership when the structures around them create the kind of environment that causes a person to wonder whether their integrity, their whole self, is recognized within the work they are doing.

From what I have been observing, it seems like the flattening of hierarchies has dismantled something that many leaders did not know they were relying on. The peer layer that once made the role bearable. The colleague who understood the weight of the position. The senior relationship that offered context and containment. What remains is a leader surrounded by people who need things from them, with increasingly few who can simply be present to what the role costs.

Rather than offer this from a place of knowing, I offer it from a place of noticing. And what I am noticing in peer conversations is that some therapists in solo private practice may be living a version of the same thing. I wonder if the peer layer is being impacted, and whether this might be exactly the moment to tend to it deliberately.

Many of us chose solo practice deliberately. The autonomy of solo practice is not incidental. It is often the point. The freedom to set your own hours, hold your own caseload, build something that reflects your values without committee approval. That choice is worth honoring.

And yet even a chosen structure has costs. Choosing solo practice does not mean choosing solitude and it does not necessarily mean choosing aloneness. Those are different things. One is a preference. The other is something that happens to us inside the structure we chose, often without our noticing, and sometimes because the structures we align ourselves with, however pragmatically, do not fully honor the values that brought us to this work in the first place.

Some systems, depending on how they are constructed, may quietly overlook those values altogether. I am thinking that this is not necessarily by design, but by indifference. And what moves into that space is often something evaluative, extractive, and entirely indifferent to the person doing it. What fills it may be tokens or productivity points, the kind of recognition that measures output rather than witnesses the person producing it.

Accountability has a watcher. Someone or something is checking. Even when it is self-imposed, there is a quality of surveillance in it. It is useful. It produces results. But it does not change anything at the level of identity or meaning. And when the system does not know you, it cannot witness you. It can only measure you.

Witnessing is different.

Being witnessed is so different from being held accountable. Witnessing is inherently relational in a way that accountability is not. Many of us learn, grow, and find ourselves thriving when we commune with another. It is an adaptive form of validation. At its most affirming, we are telling the other: I see you. And as I see you, you see me.

The tension between accountability and witnessing is what I have been sitting with. A question worth sitting with together. What would it mean for our professional wellbeing to actively seek out spaces where we are not just held accountable but genuinely witnessed in our work?

Sometimes one's energy is best directed toward something they want to create. I hold hope for professional communities that say, simply and without agenda: I see you doing this work. And it matters. I look forward to exploring these communities alongside you and sharing what we find.

One thing worth tending to

We all have the ability to reflect on our achievements, big and small, outside the context of evaluative systems. Those systems come at a cost. There is very little room for honest self-examination within them. The natural tendency in those situations is defensiveness or compliance. When we show up in our own power to recognize our work, we can afford to look honestly at ourselves with curiosity.

I like to think that recognition creates safety first. And in spaces of safety, we can begin to reflect.

So here is my question to you, as I shift gears: As we enter the summer months, how will you plan to recognize yourself and create moments of reflection?

Summer has a way of shifting the rhythm of daily life, sometimes speeding things up and sometimes slowing them down, and with it can stir up feelings that deserve a little extra attention. This season also brings a natural invitation to tend to the behind-the-scenes work that supports meaningful care, the kind of tending that happens quietly but makes everything else possible. It is also, perhaps, an invitation to practice the very thing we have been exploring here: to turn toward yourself with the same recognition and curiosity you would offer a colleague whose work you genuinely respect. However this summer feels for you, it is a beautiful time for renewal at every level.

A question worth sitting with

As you tend to yourself this summer, what is one resource, a book, a tool, a person, a community, that has made your private practice more sustainable? Reply to this email. I would love to know. If you are willing, I will add it to a resource list I am building for our colleagues.

Something worth knowing

In September, I am launching The Tending Circle, a professionally held virtual community rooted in relational practice for licensed therapists in solo private practice. A space where the work of your practice gets dedicated time, consistent structure, and the quiet presence of people. No pressure. This letter stands on its own.

A. Meliora Relational Wellness · www.ameliorawellness.com